Emotional distance as protection? Have the courage to show vulnerability – you'll still be a strong mother!

Author: Julia Blömer

Published on:

Updated on:

---

🎤 Listen to the blog post (by "Lena", AI voice):

---

Short version:

• Emotional distance often arises from old injuries And it unconsciously protects you from further pain. But this inner protection prevents closeness with your adult daughter. If you withdraw out of fear of being hurt, a genuine connection remains elusive.

• After years of responsibility, you probably feel exhausted. As a mother, you've accomplished a lot, and now... Do you lack the strength for conflicts?. Your withdrawal is not a sign of weakness, but a protective mechanism. It's a way for you to find inner balance and recharge your energy.

• Emotional distance is your shield against being overwhelmed. and helps to set necessary boundaries. However, if it becomes permanent, it can destroy intimacy and lead to hurt feelings. Pay attention to Warning signs such as inner emptiness, superficial conversations, or exhaustion after meetings.

• The Mother-daughter relationship despite all the conflicts strong and emotional That's precisely why arguments are experienced so intensely. It's important that you allow your daughter independence and show her that you're always there for her, despite any differences. You don't have to bear the entire burden and responsibility.

„I always have to be strong!“ – Causes and background:”

• Education: Children who experience feelings as a weakness often hide their own vulnerability later in life. Openly showing emotions becomes difficult.

• Company: The image of the unshakeable woman puts additional pressure on you to always be strong and not show any weakness.

• Self-esteem: A lack of self-love stemming from childhood makes it difficult to accept and express one's own feelings. This inner blockage continues to affect your relationships today, especially with your adult daughter.

• The fear of appearing weak prevents many women from openly showing their feelings. Deeply ingrained Belief systems How "„Women must always be strong!“or the fear of rejection leads you to withdraw emotionally and create distance.”.

Chapter 1 – Shedding the Armor: Recognizing Invisible Wounds and Allowing New Perspectives

• Only when you shed your emotional armor and acknowledge your old wounds can you allow genuine intimacy. While the role of the "always strong mother" may protect you in the short term, it ultimately leads to loneliness and exhaustion.

• Over time, this protective layer becomes increasingly heavy, preventing you from showing your feelings or truly connecting with others. Identify which tasks are particularly burdensome for you and ask yourself what you can delegate or change.

• Question your old beliefs and replace them with new, empowering thoughts. Vulnerability makes you human and approachable. By opening up, you gain authenticity and can grow as a strong mother – with the courage to embrace your own softer side.

Chapter 2 – Tearing Down the Castle: Questioning Protection Mechanisms and Enabling Closeness

If you notice that conversations remain superficial and you rarely express your needs, it's a sign that your defense mechanisms are limiting you rather than protecting you. Old hurts and the fear of further disappointment reinforce this withdrawal. Open communication is key to bridging the gap.

To break through unhealthy emotional distance used as a defense mechanism:

• Become aware of your feelings and name them.

• Respond to hurt feelings with "I" messages instead of accusations.

• Set clear, but respectful boundaries.

• Take breaks when emotions run high, and seek conversation later.

• Recognize that your daughter also sometimes hurts others out of insecurity.

Chapter 3 – Redesigning your life in the castle: Transforming helplessness into strength and creating a pleasant coexistence

• Overcoming helplessness: Instead of always having to fight and be strong, you can allow yourself to feel weak from time to time. Feelings of being overwhelmed are not a flaw, but a sign that you need to take care of yourself. When you question and relax your own expectations, you create space for relief – you will still remain a strong mother. Accept support and trust that your daughter will find her way.

• Redesigning the fortress: Instead of building high walls and deep divides, you now focus on openness and self-care. Short breaks, pursuing your own interests, and honest conversations help you allow emotional closeness. Strength also means being compassionate with yourself. Have the courage to show vulnerability.

• Letting go and trusting: A true partnership develops when you give each other space. Let your daughter have her own experiences – accompany her, but don't dictate her path. By letting go and trusting her, you relieve yourself of pressure and strengthen your mutual trust. This is how a relationship based on respect, appreciation, and genuine closeness grows.

---

Do you want to break down old protective walls, allow more closeness, and grow into a strong mother? Then my Self-study course „Strength in vulnerability“Just the thing for you:” https://fidertas-awareness.com/produkt/emotionale-distanz-zur-tochter-ueberwinden/

Or use this unique coloring book „Inner strength when the adult daughter withdraws: processing feelings instead of emotional distance„"This coloring book accompanies you on your journey to mindfully perceive your feelings and find inner peace. It supports you in staying connected to yourself, even in difficult moments, and in drawing inner strength.".

---

---

---

Introduction: Allowing feelings – better today than tomorrow!

Many women know the feeling of always having to be strong. Especially as a mother, you want to be there for your family, provide support, and not show any weakness. But what happens when you constantly suppress your feelings?

Emotional distance as protection It's a mechanism that can provide short-term security. But in the long run, it leads to loneliness and misunderstandings in your relationships – with your children, partner, friends, and the people around you.

Petra and her adult daughter Sabrina

Over the past few years, my relationship with Sabrina has become so complicated that I no longer know how to deal with it. On the one hand, I feel a deep love for her, but on the other hand, there are so many conflicts and hurts that are driving us apart.

I feel like we're both walking on a minefield. Sabrina has laid so many "mines" that I'm unsure what I can say or ask. But I can also sense my adult daughter's insecurity.

In my opinion, Sabrina is unable to manage her own life. Therefore, I still take responsibility for many of my 33-year-old daughter's decisions. Unfortunately, this only exacerbates our mother-daughter conflict. But I'm probably also part of the problem because of that, unconsciously laying my "mines"...

This burden and responsibility I carry is overwhelming, and I don't want it. I have many issues I struggle with every day. And yet, I've learned to always be strong and there for others.

Feelings were always out of place for me. Whenever I showed emotions or vulnerability to my own mother, I was punished. And the sparse love my mother showed, which I so desperately needed, was simply withdrawn from me.

Why is it so difficult to show feelings?

Petra learned as a child that showing weakness leads to punishment or withdrawal of affection. No wonder she struggles with this today. emotional vulnerability to show.

A mother needs to learn to accept her own personality – with all its quirks, flaws, and emotions. She knows that she doesn't always have to be strong! And that true strength lies in allowing herself to be vulnerable sometimes.

Only then can a good, respectful relationship on equal terms between mother and daughter flourish – honest, vibrant and with security on both sides.

What is the reason behind the emotional distance you're using as a form of protection towards your daughter?

Emotional distance often stems from old wounds and serves as an unconscious defense mechanism for many mothers. But it can quickly become an invisible wall that prevents closeness and genuine connection.

The invisible wall between you

Imagine standing before your daughter, seeing her, yet a glass wall separates you. You love her – and yet something divisive remains. Many mothers experience this with their adult daughters. The reason you can't express your feelings often lies deep in your past.

Perhaps you learned early on that being strong in life means not showing weakness. If you lacked comfort, security, or understanding in your childhood, you can quickly build up an inner wall of protection as an adult. Especially after experiences like violence, trauma, or hardship, emotional distance becomes a survival strategy. It helps you block out pain and remain capable of acting.

But this protection comes at a price. If you constantly withdraw because you're afraid of getting hurt, genuine closeness with your daughter will suffer. Typical triggers are arguments, misunderstandings, or the feeling of not being understood. In such moments, you shut down internally and no longer want to show your feelings. Even your Daughter withdraws and becomes estranged that means from you.

When strength is lacking: Why retreat is often the last line of defense…

There are phases in life when you feel like you've already fought too many battles. Perhaps as a mother, you've had to constantly assert yourself – at work, in your family, in relationships, and in social roles. You've carried responsibility, solved problems, and pushed yourself beyond your limits.

Now that your daughter is an adult, you feel you lack the strength for further conflicts. The lifelong struggles have taken their toll.

Instead of repeatedly engaging in discussions or conflicts, you withdraw emotionally. This isn't a sign of weakness, but usually a silent cry for help from your soul, a longing for peace and mental tranquility. Over the years. always having to "function"., It's draining. Eventually, your inner energy reserves are depleted.

Emotional distance is sometimes helpful, but not always!

When is emotional detachment helpful?

• Protection against overload: Sometimes you need distance to protect yourself. In stressful times, for example, when you're having problems at work or going through a personal crisis, emotional distance can help you avoid feeling too much at once. This allows you to better sort out your own feelings without being overwhelmed by the emotions of others.

• Setting clear boundaries: If you feel that your daughter is not respecting your wishes or is getting too close, you are allowed to set boundaries and „Say "no". A short period of distancing helps you maintain distance and keep the relationship intact.

When does emotional closed-offness become harmful?

• Alienation: If emotional distance becomes a habit, it can weaken the bond between you and your daughter. If you hide behind a wall and rarely show your feelings, your daughter will feel excluded or unloved.

• Long-term emotional injuries: A persistent emotional distance can cause emotional wounds that are difficult to heal. The relationship could permanently deteriorate if both sides are no longer able to open up.

Pay attention to warning signs:

• Do you often feel empty or unfulfilled when you spend time with your daughter?

• Do you feel that conversations remain superficial and that you don't really exchange ideas?

• Does your daughter avoid you or rarely actively seek your company?

• Do you find yourself constantly putting your needs and feelings aside?

• Do you feel more exhausted than energized after spending time with your daughter?

Then it's time to question your inner walls. Setting boundaries as self-protection is important, but it shouldn't lead to isolation. Being strong in life doesn't mean always building a wall around your heart. Sometimes the greatest courage lies in allowing yourself and others more closeness again.

„I always have to be strong!“ – Causes and background

Influences from childhood and society

How we show or hide our feelings is strongly influenced by our upbringing and societal expectations. Women often grow up with the ideal image of the "strong mother" who is always there for her family. Weakness and vulnerability are not to be shown. These deeply ingrained patterns give you the feeling that you are not allowed to express your emotions.

• Education: If feelings were seen as a weakness in your family, you probably learned to hide your emotions. As an adult, you find it difficult to show your vulnerability and talk openly about your feelings.

• Societal expectations: Society often promotes the image of the strong, unshakeable woman in all situations. These expectations put you under pressure to always be strong and independent.

Another aspect is the lack of self-love that many women develop in childhood. If you don't value and love yourself enough, you'll find it difficult to accept and express your emotions. This inner block can persist to this day and influence your relationships, especially with your adult daughter.

What role does the fear of vulnerability play?

The fear of being vulnerable is a key factor preventing some women from showing their feelings. This fear can stem from various sources:

• Belief systems: Many have internalized the belief that „Women always have to be strong“" or "„They must not show any weakness“These beliefs can cause you to withdraw in emotional situations and not show your true feelings.”.

• Reasons for hiding feelings: Often, the suppression of emotions stems from a fear of rejection or disapproval. You fear that your vulnerability will be interpreted as weakness and that you will consequently lose respect or authority.

This fear can lead you to emotionally distant, to protect yourself. But this distance can ultimately strain your relationship with your daughter and permanently damage the trust between you.

The dilemma between closeness and distance in the mother-daughter relationship

The relationship between a mother and her adult daughter is very strong and therefore usually very emotional. This leads to arguments being perceived and fought out more intensely.

• Emotional connection: Despite all the challenges, the bond between you is strong. You are both independent women with your own stories – both positive and negative. It's important that you both are allowed to lead your own lives, even if that's sometimes difficult.

• Independence: You need to learn to let your daughter make her own decisions. Even if you don't always agree with them, you should show her that you'll be there for her in an emergency.

A burden and responsibility that you don't want as a mother

As a mother, you often feel responsible for your adult daughter's well-being. This burden can be overwhelming, especially if you feel that your adult daughter cannot manage her life on her own.

• Promoting independence: It's important that you trust your daughter and believe in her ability to solve her own problems. This will take pressure off you and help her become more self-confident. This will make her stronger and improve your relationship.

• Developing self-love: Accept your own vulnerability and develop a healthy selfishness. You are therefore an example to your daughter that it's okay to express feelings. This not only strengthens your relationship but also her ability to manage her emotions.

By finding the courage not to react in every situation having to be strong, You create a deeper connection with your daughter. You remain a strong mother who is not only there for her family, but also takes care of herself.

Disclaimer for medical and therapeutic treatments

In cases of (severe) trauma and profound emotional wounds, it is essential to seek professional help. If you are suffering greatly from your experiences, don't hesitate to seek support from Therapists or to seek out psychologists.

Seeking help is a courageous and important step on the road to recovery.

„"Be gentle with yourself. Nobody goes through life without stumbling.".“ – Charlie Mackesy

Chapter 1 – Shedding the Armor: Recognizing Invisible Wounds and Allowing New Perspectives

Only when you shed your emotional armor and expose your hidden wounds can you allow true intimacy. And grow as a strong mother – because Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness., but of courage.

Your armor will eventually stop protecting you and become heavier.

Perhaps you know the feeling of always having to "function". You take care of the grandchildren, settle family disputes, keep in touch with everyone, and make sure that everyday life runs smoothly. In doing so, you've learned to put your own feelings aside.

Emotional distance While this defense mechanism might protect you from hurt in the short term, in the long run it isolates you from your feelings. And from the people around you! Old conflicts, disappointments, or a lack of recognition have left their mark. These invisible wounds make it difficult for you to show emotional vulnerability today.

But this armor becomes heavy over time. While it protects you from new injuries, it also prevents you from..., to allow genuine closeness.

Perhaps you sometimes feel lonely or misunderstood, even though you're always there for others. This is precisely where the journey begins: by acknowledging that you too have vulnerable sides and don't always have to be strong.

First steps to opening up your emotional world:

• Write down which responsibilities make you feel like you always have to function (e.g., looking after grandchildren, settling disputes, maintaining contacts).

• Rate each task according to its "difficulty" – how stressful do you find it? Give it a grade from 1 (easy) to 5 (very difficult).

• Consider which of these tasks you could perhaps delegate or organize differently to create more space for yourself.

This step alone helps you to recognize your needs and not define yourself solely by performance and strength.

Taking off the helmet – opening one's eyes to new beliefs

Imagine taking off the protective helmet you've worn for years. Suddenly, your vision is clear, revealing new perspectives.

Many women take on responsibility early and believe they always have to be strong. The reason why you can't show your feelings often lies in... old beliefs:

• „I mustn't show any weakness!“
• „Feelings make you vulnerable!“
• „I need to have everything under control!“

Such beliefs shape one's behavior and lead to hiding your true self behind an emotional helmet.

To break these patterns, it helps to question beliefs:

• When did you learn that showing feelings is dangerous?

• What situations from your childhood or youth shaped you?

• Is there any evidence today that openness and vulnerability can also lead to closeness and understanding?

Replace limiting beliefs with empowering alternatives. For example:

• Out of "„I always have to be strong!“" becomes "„I am allowed to show weakness and still be valuable!“

• Out of "„Showing feelings is a weakness!“" becomes "„Being vulnerable makes me human and approachable!“

These new perspectives will help you accept yourself and live authentically. As a strong mother who is no longer afraid to show her softer side.

Chapter 2 – Tearing Down the Castle: Questioning Protection Mechanisms and Enabling Closeness

Only when you question your castle as a place of protection and gradually dismantle the separating walls and moats can you allow true closeness. Old wounds can heal, and you can grow as a strong, yet vulnerable, mother.

How emotional distance separates you from your daughter – dismantle the castle wall stone by stone.

Perhaps you've built up a strong wall around yourself over the course of your life. Emotionally isolating yourself helps protect you from further hurt.

Have you noticed for years that you withdraw from conversations as soon as conflicts or critical topics arise? This is a sign that your defense mechanisms are active and are gradually isolating you.

How you know that your castle wall no longer protects you, but makes you lonely:

• Do you often feel misunderstood or alone, even though you are surrounded by loved ones?

• Do you withdraw for a long time after conflicts and find it difficult to reconnect with your feelings?

• Do you find it difficult to talk about your true needs or even to recognize them?

• Do you avoid conversations about feelings for fear of getting hurt?

• Does your relationship with your daughter remain superficial, lacking genuine closeness?

Straight verbal abuse Old wounds are often reopened. Instead of shutting down, you can learn to react differently:

• Take a deep breath before you answer.

• Speak in "I" statements:„I feel hurt when…“ instead of accusations.

• Set clear boundaries without attacking:„I don't want to be addressed that way.“

• Take a short break if emotions overwhelm you, and seek out the conversation later when you are calm.

• Recognize that your daughter sometimes reacts hurtfully out of her own insecurity.

To break old patterns, it helps to consciously perceive your feelings. Practice naming them: Are you sad, angry, disappointed, or anxious? Write down when you react particularly sensitively – often it's old emotional triggers that put you on the defensive. The better you know your feelings, the easier it will be to find new ways of dealing with them.

Exercise:
Take a week and write down the following each evening:

• What feelings did I experience today?
• In what situations did I withdraw?
• What was the trigger?

This way you can recognize patterns and work specifically on allowing emotional vulnerability.

Drying out the trench – overcoming distance and learning to communicate

(Nonviolent) communication This is the key to overcoming emotional distance. Many misunderstandings arise because feelings are not openly addressed. But how can we reconnect?

Practical tips for greater understanding and connection:

• Speak openly and honestly about your emotions – even if you feel insecure or anxious.

• Use "I" messages, for example:„I wish for more closeness between us..“

• Listen actively to your daughter without immediately judging or interrupting her.

• Accept that you have different viewpoints and look for common ground.

• Be patient – change takes time.

Step by step towards greater closeness:

1. Start with small, honest conversations about everyday things.
2. Gradually share more of your feelings without putting pressure on either of you.
3. Ask your daughter about her feelings and listen carefully.
4. Show positive feelings: e.g., appreciation, joy, gratitude.

Exercise for open exchange:
Meet regularly and take turns answering the questions:

• What moved me today?
• What do I want from you?
• What moments gave me a sense of security and closeness?

Lowering the drawbridge – building trust and letting go

Trust is the foundation for genuine intimacy. If trust is weakened, it won't be rebuilt overnight.

Small rituals and habits can help you rebuild a familiar and close connection:

• Agree on fixed times for joint activities, for example a monthly walk or a shared breakfast.

• Develop small rituals, such as a hug to greet each other or a WhatsApp message at the end of the week.

• Show each other that your relationship is important – through listening, small gestures, or support in everyday life.

Trust grows when you let go of control. You don't always have to be in control or appear strong. Being strong in life also means allowing yourself to be vulnerable and to trust your daughter, To go your own way. The more you let go, the more space is created for genuine closeness.

Chapter 3 – Redesigning your life in the castle: Transforming helplessness into strength and creating a pleasant coexistence

You can transform feelings of helplessness and powerlessness into new strength if you leave old defense mechanisms behind and create an open, trusting relationship with your daughter.

Laying down the sword – transforming helplessness into strength

Sometimes you feel like a knight who constantly has to fight – against expectations, against being overwhelmed, against the feeling of never being enough. Especially as a mother, you've learned that you always have to be strong. Never show weakness and never let your feelings show.

feelings of Powerlessness and being overwhelmed These feelings are not a sign of weakness, but rather an indication that you are reaching your limits. Allow yourself to feel and accept these emotions. They show you where you need to take care of yourself.

A strong mother is allowed to be vulnerable and take her needs seriously – you don't have to do that. Feelings of guilt have.

To draw new strength from helplessness, it helps to recognize your own – often excessively high – expectations. Ask yourself honestly:

• Do I really always have to do everything alone?
• Do I expect myself to always be strong?
• Do I believe that my daughter cannot cope without my control?

When you relax these expectations, you create space for relief. You can delegate tasks, accept support, and trust your daughter to find her own way. This takes the pressure off you and gives you both new freedom.

Redesigning the fortress – a life without defensive walls and a deep moat

From now on, you can finally rebuild and redesign your fortress: Instead of high walls and a large moat, you'll now have green meadows at the entrance with low walls. People are welcome to enter the fortress via your bridge, but you also have the right to raise the drawbridge again for a while.

Self-care, self-love And personal development then forms the foundation for genuine emotional closeness. Self-care means taking yourself seriously – not out of selfishness, but out of love for yourself and your family.

• Treat yourself to regular short breaks to recharge your batteries.
• Pursue hobbies and interests that bring you joy.
• Speak openly about your feelings – including insecurities and fears.

This is how you strengthen your emotional vulnerability and gradually become more open to intimacy. You learn that you don't always have to be strong. Being strong in life also means seeking support and treating yourself with compassion.

Letting go – your daughter needs to have her own experiences

A true relationship on equal footing arises when you both respect each other's needs and give each other space. This also means allowing your daughter to make her own decisions – even if you sometimes disagree or are worried.

Your role as a mother is to guide her, not to dictate her path. You can instill values in her, encourage and support her, but you cannot protect her from everything.

Everyone has to overcome their own challenges to develop self-confidence and inner strength. If you trust your daughter to find her own solutions, you give her the most important foundation: self-confidence.

Imagine your daughter is like an airplane. In the hangar, she's safe, protected from the elements. But that's not what an airplane was built for. It's meant to fly, discover new horizons, sometimes experience turbulence, and land safely again. Even if the thought of storms or detours is unsettling, it's only through flying that your grown daughter unfolds her true strength.

By you let go And by trusting her, you relieve yourself of pressure. You don't always have to control everything or be responsible for everything. At the same time, you strengthen the bond between you because she feels: "My mother believes in me!" This creates a relationship full of respect, trust, and mutual appreciation.

Use the unique self-study course "Strength in Vulnerability" to positively change your life.

Do you want to break down old protective walls, allow more closeness, and grow into a strong mother? Then my self-study course „Strength in vulnerability“Just the thing for you:” https://fidertas-awareness.com/produkt/emotionale-distanz-zur-tochter-ueberwinden/

In this unique course You will learn how to:

• You recognize emotional distance as a form of protection and overcome it step by step.

• You perceive and express your own feelings better.

• letting go of old beliefs and developing new, empowering perspectives

• You build genuine closeness and trust with your daughter (and with yourself).

The course It offers you practical exercises, inspiring insights, and everyday methods to discover your emotional vulnerability as a new source of strength. You set the pace – and can access the content at any time.

Coloring book for mothers „Inner strength when your adult daughter withdraws: Processing feelings instead of emotional distance“

Do you know that feeling when there's a rift between you and your adult daughter? Silence and misunderstandings stand?

This coloring book will help you to calm down, to lovingly perceive your feelings and to find new strength. With 50 varied motifs and empowering affirmations You will become more relaxed and You feel the connection to yourself again..

Sentences like „I am valuable and deserve respect.“" or "„I trust my inner strength.“ work deeply on your subconscious mind and give you inner strength. 

About the following Amazon link You can view and order it here: https://www.amazon.de/dp/B0G5JTSNKD

Conclusion – Showing vulnerability as a key to greater connection

The path to true closeness begins where you question your emotional distance as a form of protection and dare to show vulnerability.

Every mother knows moments when she feels she always has to be strong. But no one can or should always carry everything alone. When you open up and share your feelings, you create space for trust, understanding, and a new way of being together. This way, you grow not only as a strong mother, but also as a person.

Share your experiences and inspire others!
How did you experience emotional distance as a form of protection? What helped you to feel closer in the Mother-daughter relationship To allow it? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Together we can learn from each other and discover new ways to overcome emotional distance.

Want to delve deeper? Then use my Self-study course or Let yourself be personally guided. Together we will find out how you, as a strong mother, can overcome the conflict with your adult daughter with more openness and connection.

Dare to show vulnerability – and discover how much strength it holds!

Your Julia

---

Disclaimer: This text is for informational purposes only. If you are experiencing trauma, please seek advice from an expert (e.g., a therapist, counselor, or other professional). Therapists).

---

All images and 3D elements used in this post are from Envato Elements and are used under a valid license.

---

KeywordsEmotional distance as protection, strong mother, showing vulnerability, being strong in life, not being able to show feelings, vulnerability in emotional matters, not being able to show feelings as a cause, one cannot always be strong, emotional vulnerability, always having to be strong, not showing weakness.

---