Why is it so hard for us women to say "no" without feeling guilty? Even a river needs banks!

Author: Julia Blömer

Published on:

Updated on:

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Short version:

Different types of personal boundaries:

• Rigid boundaries They offer little flexibility and appear distant (castle walls).

• Open borders They offer little protection and often endanger one's own well-being (tent).

• Clear boundaries They create a balance of protection and openness, promote healthy relationships and strengthen self-respect (house wall).

The role of education in setting boundaries:

• Childhood and beliefs: Women learn to adapt and avoid conflict from a young age. Sentences like „A sweet girl does what is expected of her.“They shape their development. That's why they later find it difficult to set boundaries, out of fear of losing love or recognition.”.

• Childhood experiences: Children who constantly experience having their boundaries violated learn to ignore their own needs. This behavior often persists into adulthood and makes it difficult to say "no".

• The influence of the family: Parents who disregard their children's privacy and wishes convey the message that boundaries are unimportant. Many of these children later struggle with self-care because they perceive it as selfish.

• Unfair expectations: Boys Women who set boundaries are seen as strong, but girls are often labeled as selfish. This double standard makes many women hesitant to stand up for their boundaries.

Why is it so difficult for us women to say "no" without feeling guilty?

• Old structures and dependencies: Women often have to achieve more to receive the same recognition as men. This dynamic leads to dependencies and makes it difficult to set boundaries without being perceived as difficult or ungrateful.

• Women's roles in society: Girls learn early to suppress their needs, while boys are encouraged to be assertive. Women are rewarded for being compliant and quiet, but punished for setting boundaries.

• Expectations and pressure to adapt: Women are taught to create harmony and to adapt. In everyday life, they often take on "invisible tasks" such as organization or mediation without this being questioned.

• Negative reactions: Women who express their opinions or set boundaries often face criticism. A woman who confidently demands a raise is seen as demanding, while a man is perceived as assertive.

Psychological reasons why you can't set boundaries:

• Feelings of guilt: Many women put their needs aside and believe that saying "no" is selfish. They say "yes" to maintain harmony, even if it puts a strain on them.

• The role of fears: Women are often afraid of rejection, conflict, or being seen as selfish. They avoid saying "no" to avoid arguments or criticism, even when they desperately need peace and quiet and time for themselves.

• Dependence on recognition: Some women constantly seek external validation and believe they will only be accepted if they please others. They often act against their own wishes in order to receive praise or approval.

• Conflict avoidance and paralysis from shock: Some women avoid conflicts or feel overwhelmed in stressful situations. They reflexively agree, out of fear of appearing impolite or dismissive.

Negative consequences of not setting boundaries:

• Exhaustion: Without clear boundaries, you risk completely overwhelming yourself, both physically and emotionally. Constantly giving in and adapting leads to stress, which in the long run severely impairs your health and well-being.

• Strain on relationships: By constantly putting yourself last, you can create imbalances in relationships. If your needs are always put last, frustration arises, which makes it difficult to build a close and respectful bond.

• Loss of respect: When boundaries are lacking, it's difficult for others to recognize and respect them. This can lead to your wishes and well-being being constantly disregarded.

• Lower self-confidence: Not standing up for yourself signals to yourself that your needs are less important. This inner conflict can permanently damage your self-esteem and your belief in your own abilities.

• Physical and emotional tensions: Your body also sends signals when you constantly push your boundaries. Feelings of insecurity and stress can manifest as emotional unrest. Even in intimate relationships, our health suffers from constant compromise.

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Introduction: Without limits, you become a pawn of others!

Imagine a river without banks. Its water gushes uncontrollably in all directions until it finally seeps away and disappears. That's exactly what happens to us when we don't set boundaries. Boundaries are our anchor – they define our values, protect our well-being, and give our lives clear direction.

Why is it so difficult to decline "requests" from others?

Many people – especially women – have difficulty, „to say "no". This is less due to a lack of selfishness, but often to formative experiences in childhood.

Even today, girls are often raised to be exclusively helpful, to avoid conflict, and not to set boundaries. This socialization makes it difficult for them to establish clear limits.

Setting boundaries is self-care, not selfishness.

Feelings of guilt or the fear of disappointing others often prevent us from saying "no." But setting healthy boundaries is not a sign of selfishness, but of self-care. Healthy boundaries protect against emotional exhaustion and help us lead a fulfilling life.

Say "yes" to yourself

Ask yourself honestly: „Why do I find it difficult to set boundaries?“Listen to your inner voice and don't say "yes" when your heart says "no." Clear boundaries give you inner strength, serenity, and self-respect. You are worth making yourself a priority.

In this blog, you'll learn why setting boundaries isn't a selfish act. We'll explore how a lack of boundaries arises and its effects. We'll also delve into the psychology of boundary-setting and explain why women, in particular, often struggle with this issue.

Are you ready to say "no" in order to finally say "yes" to yourself?

„"A balanced life begins with firm boundaries."“ - Unknown

Types of borders and their meaning

Consider the house you live in. Without sturdy walls to provide protection, it wouldn't be a home, but merely an open space. A house with only a roof and no walls would offer no protection from the elements. There would be no privacy or retreat. It would simply be a shelter, not a true sanctuary.

The same applies to your personal boundaries. They define you, protect your inner values and needs. They also give your life structure and security.

But what happens when these boundaries are weak, excessively strict, or optimally set? Not all boundaries are created equal, and Each type has advantages and disadvantages..

Rigid boundaries

Rigid boundaries are like thick castle walls. They keep everything and everyone out, but offer no flexibility. People with rigid boundaries often seem unapproachable or distant because they allow others little access to themselves.

• Example: You deliberately prevent closeness by never talking about your feelings, even with close friends or family.

• Risk: This strength can lead to isolation. A lack of human connection makes long-term relationships more difficult.

Open borders

Open borders are the exact opposite. They let everything through, like a tent instead of sturdy walls that offer neither protection nor support. People with open borders often try to please everyone, even if their own well-being suffers.

• Example: You always say "yes," even when you're overwhelmed, because you think you should be available.

• Risk: You feel drained and may be taken advantage of because you make it too easy for others to use your resources or time.

Clear boundaries

Clear boundaries strike the ideal balance between protection and openness. They are walls that protect you from the weather, but still have windows through which light can shine.

With these kinds of "walls," you decide how well your inner values are protected from external influences. This fosters both healthy relationships and self-respect.

• Example: You say, politely but firmly, that you need this weekend for yourself and therefore can't look after other people's children or pets. Of course, you'll be there in an emergency, but not all the time.

• Why it's important: Setting boundaries not only promotes your own well-being, but also strengthens mutual respect in relationships.

A look at examples of the border types

Rigid boundaries:

• You avoid bringing up personal topics in a new relationship because you fear getting hurt.

• You don't let anyone into your home because you're afraid of losing your privacy.

• You refuse to accept help at work, even when you are overwhelmed, so as not to be perceived as weak.

Open borders:

• You regularly work overtime even though your schedule is already full, simply because you feel you can't say "no".

• You spontaneously let friends stay overnight at your place, even if you feel uncomfortable and actually need peace and quiet.

• You agree to every suggestion in conversations, even if you disagree, in order to avoid conflict.

Clear boundaries:

• You politely tell a friend that you don't have time to meet today because you need some time for yourself. But you can meet next week.

• You explain to your boss that you cannot complete a project within the required timeframe. Naturally, you offer a realistic and timely alternative date.

• You inform a close friend or family member that you cannot answer their constant calls during working hours. However, you offer to talk in the evening.

The art of setting healthy boundaries

The goal is to set healthy boundaries that benefit both you and those around you. To do this, you should become aware of what is important to you and how to communicate it clearly but respectfully.

Setting boundaries doesn't mean saying "no" at all costs. Rather, it means saying "yes" to your needs and values without feeling guilty or having to justify yourself every time.

Border type	Features	Examples	Risks
Rigid boundaries	– Thick „walls“ seal them off – Little openness, avoidance of commitments	– Categorically reject offers of help – Do not seek connection with friends or family	– Isolation – Lack of interpersonal closeness
Open borders	– Hardly any protection, lets everything through – High adaptability	– Always saying „yes“, despite being overwhelmed – Inability to set boundaries when exploited	– To be exhausted – Feeling of being exploited
Clear boundaries	– A balanced mix of protection and flexibility – Self-determined setting	– Saying „no“ without guilt – Distribute responsibility fairly	– Minimal risks if adapted flexibly and appropriately – Finding balance can be difficult

What role does upbringing play in setting boundaries?

But why is it so difficult for women to draw red lines without feeling guilty? A look at the psychology of boundary-setting can help. We develop beliefs and behavioral patterns early on that can trigger insecurities and anxieties.

Our childhood shapes our behavior more than we often realize. The influence of our upbringing, especially when it comes to setting boundaries, continues into adulthood.

Childhood and beliefs

„"A good girl does what is expected of her."“

Perhaps you know this sentence or a similar version. from your childhood. Such demands to be polite, not to draw attention to oneself, and to please others leave a lasting impression. They lead many girls to learn to avoid conflict and, even as adult women, to conform in order to successfully fit the prescribed image.

• Example: Your parents taught you to always offer your seat on the bus, even when you were tired or exhausted. Instead of listening to your own exhaustion, the focus was on good behavior.

• Consequences: These experiences teach young women that pleasing others is more important than respecting their own needs. The desire to please often leaves women later with the feeling that they cannot or should not say no.

Negative beliefs such as „"I am only valuable if I help and obey!"“ can have profound consequences.

Did you often only receive recognition during your childhood if you obediently said "yes"?

Did you always have to be willing, sacrifice everything for your family, and never say "no"?

• No arguments!

• Just work!

• Be diligent!

• Always be good!

Such formative beliefs and experiences lead to women having difficulty setting clear boundaries in adulthood, mostly out of fear of losing the love or acceptance of others.

Do you feel that your worth is inextricably linked to your willingness to help others? If so, it's no wonder that it's so difficult to say no and stand up for yourself.

Biographical influences and their long-term effects

What happens when a child's personal boundaries are repeatedly violated? A pattern develops of suppressing their own needs or not even clearly perceiving them. This is often accompanied by parental statements or subtle actions that exert pressure.

• Example: You were forced to greet relatives with a hug, even when it made you uncomfortable. These seemingly harmless actions teach children to ignore their own feelings and fulfill the expectations of others.

• ConsequencesAs adults, these people often neglect themselves or put their needs aside to please others. They believe their feelings and desires are unimportant and feel unable to set boundaries.

Over time, a behavioral pattern becomes ingrained that is difficult to break. This results in insecurity about expressing one's own feelings and needs. No wonder women later think, "„Why can't I set limits?“.

This biographical influences It not only promotes conformity but also blocks the ability to stand up for oneself. This can also lead to... self-alienation arise.

Family of origin

The family atmosphere also plays a crucial role in whether we learn to set boundaries. Were personal boundaries respected in your family? Or was there an unspoken understanding that parental wishes took precedence over everything else?

• Example: For example, if parents constantly enter their children's rooms without knocking, or always ignore their own rest periods, they are demonstrating that personal boundaries and needs are not a priority.

• Consequences: It is difficult to set healthy boundaries because the basic pattern from childhood remains unexamined.

Were you, as the oldest sibling, conditioned to take responsibility for younger siblings? Even if you lacked the capacity to do so yourself? The thought of saying "no" can now feel almost selfish, even though it's simply about self-care.

Different assessments of borders?

Another problem that also affects girls in childhood is the unequal societal perception of set boundaries. While setting clear boundaries is seen as assertive and self-confident for boys, the same behavior in girls is quickly dismissed as "bitchy" or "selfish".

• Example: A boy who says he doesn't want a hug is perceived as confident and clear about his boundaries. A girl who sets the same boundary, on the other hand, might be judged as poorly behaved or aloof.

• ConsequencesThis leads to many women feeling as they get older that they cannot set boundaries without risking negative reactions. They avoid expressing their opinions for fear of rejection or criticism.

Reflection questions on the influence of upbringing

No.	Reflection question
1	What beliefs from your childhood influence your behavior when setting boundaries?
2	How did your upbringing shape your ability to say "no" without feeling guilty?
3	What role does society's perception of women play in the topic of boundaries in your life?
4	Do you remember situations where your boundaries were crossed as a child? How did that shape your behavior?
5	How do you react when your needs clash with the expectations of others?
6	What experiences from your family have shaped your attitude towards personal boundaries?
7	Do you sometimes feel obligated to please others, even when it goes against your own needs? Why?
8	How do you deal with the fear of rejection or criticism when you set clear boundaries?

Are certain social norms holding us back?

Our society and its rules influence how we perceive ourselves and our role. Women who prioritize their own needs or set clear boundaries encounter resistance. Often subtle, frequently obvious.

Old hierarchies and dependencies

The centuries-old inequality between men and women still has an effect today – quiet, but noticeable. Men are usually ascribed power and freedom of choice, while women often have to "earn" recognition.

• Example: Even today, women in the workplace still have to achieve more to receive the same appreciation as their male colleagues. At the same time, they are expected to be grateful for every opportunity.

• Consequence: This dynamic leads to dependencies. Women feel they cannot set boundaries without being seen as ungrateful or difficult.

The role of women in society

Even in childhood, girls and boys are shaped differently. Girls learn to suppress their needs, while boys are encouraged to assert themselves.

• Social reward: Women are praised when they adapt, are quiet, and appear "easy to care for".

• Social punishment: Women who set clear boundaries are usually labelled as uncooperative or selfish.

• Example: A mother doesn't want to take on any additional tasks in the evening because she's already busy with housework and children. Instead of receiving understanding, she's accused of not doing enough for her family. A father in the same situation would likely have his need for peace and quiet respected.

• Pleaser type: Women often feel obligated to avoid conflict and To create harmony. Their value is measured by how well they meet the needs of others.

• Example: A mother prioritizes her family's wishes over her own. Even when exhausted, she finds it difficult to ask for help, fearing she will no longer be seen as "self-sacrificing.".

External expectations

The unspoken rule that women to ensure harmony This expectation is reinforced by upbringing, media, and culture. Women are taught that conformity is the key to acceptance.

Examples from everyday life:

• At family celebrations, women are often expected to take on the organization, even if they themselves have little time or energy.

• In the workplace, women often take on "invisible tasks," such as planning birthday parties or taking minutes at meetings, without this being actively questioned.

• Women are more likely to say "yes" in their circle of friends or in their partnership. This is especially true when it comes to unpleasant tasks such as resolving a conflict or mediating between quarreling parties.

Everyday consequences:

Women are under pressure to meet expectations, even if it means neglecting their own needs. The desire to "please everyone" leads them to not clearly communicate their boundaries.

Social sanctions

Women who express their opinions or set boundaries often encounter negative reactions. This can discourage them from standing up for themselves.

Examples of sanctions:

• A woman who asks for a raise at work is labeled "demanding," while a man who takes the same initiative is considered self-confident.

• Women who express their opinions are quickly labeled as "difficult." A woman who sets clear boundaries within the family is perceived as cold. Men, on the other hand, usually receive respect and recognition for the same behavior.

Psychological reasons why I can't set boundaries

Feelings of guilt They're like an internal alarm, warning us that we're supposedly crossing a line. Usually not our own, but someone else's. But why do women so often feel guilty when they say "no"? The reasons for this The reasons lie in upbringing, societal expectations, and personal fears.

Why do we feel guilty?

Many women have learned to put their own needs last. When they say "no," they feel as if they are violating social expectations. This triggers inner conflict because they believe that setting their own priorities is selfish.

• Example partnershipYour partner asks you to take over their household chores, even though you already feel exhausted. You say yes anyway because you don't want to disrupt the harmony. Your need for rest and support falls by the wayside.

• Example siblingsYour sister asks you to babysit her child, even though you're completely exhausted after a long week at work. You agree because you feel obligated to help her. Your own rest and health suffer as a result.

• Example professionYour colleague asks you to review his reports, even though you have a deadline of your own to meet. You agree because you don't want to seem uncollegial. Your need for focus and time for your own tasks is ignored. As is so often the case, you have no time. Workplace boundaries set.

The role of fears

Guilt and anxiety are closely linked. Many women have Fear of rejection or conflicts, which makes it difficult for them to stand up against expectations.

• Fear of rejectionWomen fear being liked or respected less if they say "no." We unsuccessfully try to please everyone, even though it burdens them.

• Fear of conflictThe fear of arguments or unpleasant discussions often leads us to give in, even when we are internally frustrated.

• Fear of appearing selfishMany women feel that saying "no" could be perceived as antisocial or selfish.

• Fear of being seen as incompetentThere is concern that refusing tasks will be interpreted as a weakness or lack of competence.

Furthermore, unrealistic portrayals of femininity in advertising and social media intensify the pressure. Women see perfect images of nurturing, beauty, and constant availability. This makes it even harder for many to set boundaries and say no. They feel they always have to function perfectly.

Our „autopilot“

Some women react to stress or pressure with a kind of "shock." They feel paralyzed and unable to express their needs or defend themselves against demands. This reaction often has its roots in the past.

• Situation in the officeA colleague spontaneously approaches you and asks you to take over her important client presentation the next day. She has a private appointment. You're taken aback, feel pressured, and immediately agree. Your colleague knows your behavior patterns all too well. Perhaps in the future, it will help you to consider your "„typical team roles“to reflect.”.

• Situation in my circle of friendsA friend calls you unexpectedly and asks you to help her move tomorrow. You were looking forward to a quiet weekend. But instead of saying "no," you agree because you're afraid of seeming rude or disappointing her. Your "„inner critic“ takes command – as always – immediately…”

• Family situationYour mother-in-law asks you out of the blue if you'll cook a big meal for the whole family this weekend. Even though you wanted to relax and are annoyed by the last-minute request, you reflexively say "Yes".

Are you dependent on external validation?

Many women define their worth through their... words of appreciation from others. They learned early on that they are loved and accepted when they please others. This behavior is often unconsciously carried into adulthood. Are you dissatisfied with yourself, if you don't receive a confirmation?

• Career decisionsA woman accepts a job that doesn't actually interest her, simply because her social circle considers it prestigious or because she wants to prove to others that she is "successful".

• Hobby selectionA woman starts doing yoga even though she's not enthusiastic about it, simply because it's considered "cool" or healthy among her friends.

• Social pressure in relationshipsA woman stays in an unhappy relationship because they are perceived by others as a "perfect couple." She doesn't dare to shatter this perfect image.

• Clothing styleA woman buys brand-name clothes or follows fashion trends she doesn't like, just to make a good impression at the office or with friends.

• Vacation planningA woman chooses travel destinations that are popular on Instagram, even though she would prefer to explore something remote. But the main thing is that she gets "likes" for her photos.

Conflict avoidance as a behavioral pattern

Many women systematically avoid conflict because they have learned that harmony is more important than their own needs.

• You want to go to bed early, but you stay awake because... your partner insists on watching another series together.

• A girlfriend She asks you to drive her to the airport, even though you have an important appointment. And of course, you agree anyway.

• In a restaurant, you order something you don't want. And this is only because... the waiter Your wish has been misunderstood and you do not wish to correct the matter.

• During a team discussion, you vote on a decision. my colleague to those you don't support, so as not to start an argument.

• While browsing in the shopping mall, you get drawn into a sales conversation. In the end, you buy something you don't need at all, because you the seller You don't want to disappoint.

Disclaimer for medical and therapeutic treatments

In cases of (severe) trauma and profound emotional wounds, it is essential to seek professional help. If you are suffering greatly from your experiences, don't hesitate to seek support from Therapists or to seek out psychologists.

Seeking help is a courageous and important step on the road to recovery.

Negative consequences if I cannot set boundaries

Emotional and physical exhaustion

You feel exhausted because you keep complying with requests even though deep down you really want to say "no." Practicing saying "no" without guilt protects you from chronic overload. But the opposite happens when you constantly act against your own needs. You are exhausted, tired and eventually neither happy nor healthy.

Example: Every day you help colleagues, take on extra tasks, or fill in even though you barely have any energy. Without setting healthy boundaries, this exhaustion threatens to lead to physical ailments such as sleep disorders, tension, or even burnout. Many who can't say no only realize too late that they are pushing themselves beyond their limits.

5 reflection questions on emotional and physical exhaustion:

No.	Reflection question
1	What signs do I notice when I feel emotionally or physically exhausted?
2	What situations or people cause me the most stress, and how do I react to them?
3	How often do I consciously take time for myself to recharge my batteries?
4	Are there any obligations I could reduce or decline to lessen my workload?
5	What small steps can I integrate into my daily routine to take care of my mental and physical health?

Strain on relationships

It sounds contradictory at first, but saying "yes" too often can damage your relationships. The reason? Without setting clear boundaries, frustration arises. Always giving in instead of setting limits leads to you eventually feeling exploited.

Example: Your partner wants you to regularly help them with their tasks. You do it even though you're exhausted. Often you bottle up your anger until something small triggers a big argument. Don't always say "yes" to everything! True intimacy and respect only develop when both partners respect each other's needs.

5 reflection questions about the strain in the partnership:

No.	Reflection question
1	Do you feel heard and respected in your relationship when you express your needs and boundaries?
2	Are there situations where you feel like you give in too often, even though you don't want to?
3	How do you deal with conflicts? Do you address them directly or do you avoid them and swallow your anger?
4	When was the last time you honestly spoke to your partner about your burdens? How did he/she react?
5	What do you wish for to ensure the burden is distributed more fairly and you both feel supported?

Repeated violation of personal boundaries

If others sense that you always give in, it could happen that your Limits are regularly crossed. Without clearly communicating what you want and what is too much for you, others will continue to take advantage of you. This downward spiral acts like a creeping poison, slowly but surely robbing you of your inner balance.

Example: A friend is constantly asking for help. Every free afternoon you step in, even though you desperately need a break. But you don't dare to say no. Learning to set healthy boundaries and say no shows others how respect works in a relationship – for both sides.

5 reflection questions on violations of personal boundaries:

No.	Reflection question
1	When was the last time I felt that my boundaries were not respected?
2	Have I clearly expressed my needs and boundaries?
3	Why can't I set clear boundaries?
4	How do I feel when I stand up for my boundaries?
5	What steps can I take to better protect my borders in the future?

Undermining self-confidence and self-esteem

Every time you cross your boundaries, you're indirectly telling yourself that your needs are secondary. The result? Your Self-esteem and self-confidence diminish. It is particularly difficult for people who think they cannot say no to deal with this inner dynamic.

Example: You've set clear boundaries for an elderly neighbor regarding how often and what you'll help him with, such as shopping or technical problems. But over time, you've noticed that he's ignoring these boundaries.

He increasingly asks you for more favors, like taking out the trash or doing minor repairs. Although you've tried to limit your help, you find it difficult to consistently say "no." You only feel valued when you help anyway.

5 reflection questions on self-confidence and self-esteem:

No.	Reflection question
1	Are there moments when you say "yes" even though you'd rather say "no"?
2	How often do you only feel valuable when you give or put your own needs aside?
3	What boundaries could you set to protect your well-being without fear of rejection or criticism?
4	Do you remember a situation where your self-esteem was affected by criticism? How did you react?
5	What can you do to boost your self-confidence and be less dependent on the approval of others?

Physical tension and its effects on sexuality

Even in intimate relationships, our health suffers from constant compromise. Those who don't dare to set clear boundaries cannot openly communicate their needs and fears. This breeds mistrust and insecurity.

Example: Maybe you agree sexual situations that you don't want, Out of fear of hurting your partner, you'll feel increasingly uncomfortable over time. Without setting healthy boundaries, such conflicts will negatively impact your physical well-being and your relationship with your partner.

5 reflection questions on physical tension and intimacy:

No.	Reflection question
1	What physical symptoms do you notice when you feel uncomfortable in an intimate situation?
2	Do you feel able to communicate to your partner what you want or don't want? If not, why not?
3	Are there any past experiences that influence your ability to set clear boundaries?
4	What positive changes could you imagine in your relationship if you spoke openly about your needs?
5	What tools or strategies could help you release tension and promote a healthier sexuality?

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Conclusion: Those who respect themselves set boundaries.

Why do so many women find it so hard to say "no"? Often it's due to the fear of disappointing others or deeply ingrained feelings of guilt. You should work on that, to function less for others and more life. Healthy egoism is positive!

Women, in particular, tend to put their well-being last because they struggle to say "no." But this is precisely what leads to feeling drained and overwhelmed. If you can't set boundaries, you lose control of your own life.

Saying no saves your energy for things that really matter.
It's about recognizing what's good for you and what isn't, and acting accordingly. To draw red lines It helps you stay balanced when something is draining your energy. This allows you to let go of unhealthy obligations and create space for what is truly important to you.

Feel free to leave a comment and share your experiences. How do you set boundaries? Do you have any tips and tricks that can help other women?

Your Julia

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Disclaimer: This text is for informational purposes only. If you are experiencing trauma, please seek advice from an expert (e.g., a therapist, counselor, or other professional). Therapists).

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All images and 3D elements used in this post are from Envato Elements and are used under a valid license.

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