Outwardly reserved, yet with inner self-confidence: This is how you shine with understated elegance!

Author: Dr. Steffen Blömer

Published on:

Updated on:

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Short version:

• Humility means, To acknowledge and showcase your abilities without boasting. If you are very reserved, then Others overlook you And your successes aren't credited to you. This negatively impacts job opportunities, salary, and career path.

• Our Character traits They influence how we behave and how others perceive us. Certain traits, such as dominance and self-presentation, can sometimes be beneficial or detrimental.

• Make a strong impression with your application. Your CV You must clearly demonstrate your skills. A confident presentation in Job interview This is crucial. Be prepared to illustrate successes clearly.

Diverse roles in teams

• Innovators bring in new ideas.
• Coordinators ensure order.
• Implementers bring plans to life.
• Observers provide important feedback.
• Mediators promote harmony.

Strengthen your teamwork skills by developing:

• empathy
• Communication skills
• Conflict resolution skills
• Reflective capacity

This is how you shine with understated elegance:

• Set yourself clear goals
• Worthy small successes
• Challenge yourself
• Develop resilience
• Recover quickly from setbacks
• Boost your self-confidence

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Introduction: Silent Strength

„"It is not always easy to be humble, especially in a world that often rewards the loudest. But true strength lies in the serenity that allows us to walk our path amidst the noise."“ - Unknown

Julia and I are both naturally reserved and modest, which makes it difficult for us to present ourselves in a positive light. We often underestimate our own talents and knowledge.

This often leads to them going unnoticed in our professional and personal environments.

Quiet and effective

People who are reserved hesitate to let their light shine brightly. Their talents remain hidden – both professionally and personally. The desire for recognition battles against the fear of being seen as too self-confident.

Walking a tightrope

The challenge for us modest people is to project confidence without appearing pushy. This allows us to remain authentic and genuine in a sea of self-promoters. 

It's about, Overcoming self-doubt and to build inner self-confidence. Because it is the key not just to get by, but to shine.

The challenge for us was how to highlight our achievements through effective self-presentation without compromising our values. This path is not always easy. It requires courage, and we had to be willing to try new approaches.

Your journey from reserved to healthy self-expression is achievable. It's time to let your light shine – bright and clear. To be seen, to receive appreciation and respect.

The Dilemma of Humility

We often ask our „Shedding light under a bushel„"This behavior is deeply rooted in the psychology and society of many people.".

But what drives us to downplay our achievements?

It's the fear of being seen as a self-promoter or being rejected for too much self-praise. The line between confident behavior and being labeled arrogant and conceited deters many.

What humility truly means

Humility This means that you realistically assess and present your abilities without boasting. Nevertheless, modest people are often misunderstood.

Reticence does not necessarily signal disinterest. Rather, it shows a willingness to give others space.

The problem? Those who are too quiet are easily overlooked and ignored, especially in situations where the loudest get the most attention.

This has negative effects During the application process, salary increases, and career path, success is often attributed to others who have contributed far less than you.

Own behavior and perception

An awareness of these dynamics helps to optimize one's own performance. The psychology behind the „"Hiding light under a bushel"“ It's complex.

It's about more than just the fear that Others' expectations not to fulfill. It also reflects how we repeatedly behave in certain situations and how these behaviors shape our successes.

„Understanding "Autopilot"

Our Character traits They shape how we present ourselves and thus also influence how others perceive us. Therefore, self-reflection is paramount.

An analysis of your personality will help you here (it's not a personality test).

Every person possesses opposing "extremes". The more pronounced one side of our personality is, the more extreme our behavior will be in corresponding situations.

Low need for dominance vs. dominance

1a) Lea and Clara in a team meeting

• Lea She is rather reserved within the team, rarely displays dominance, and usually expresses her ideas quietly. Her "shy" behavior is often misinterpreted as disinterest or a lack of creativity. While she regularly makes valuable contributions, these are often overlooked or attributed to others.

• Clara She displays strong dominance, confidently presents her concepts, and asserts herself in discussions. Her ideas and leadership skills are recognized.

1b) Lea and Clara during project planning

• In a complex project, the team faces a challenge that requires flexible solutions. Lea, With her lower need for dominance, she is open to suggestions from the team. Her ability to listen and assess allows her to navigate effectively between options. This atmosphere fosters innovative solutions.

• Clara However, accustomed to using her dominance, she finds it more difficult to adapt to this situation. Her quick imposition of solutions without in-depth discussion leads to tension within the team. As a result, better approaches are overlooked.

Humility vs. positive self-presentation

2a) Sophie and Mia in a customer conversation

• Sophie She comes across as too modest in discussions with clients. She fails to mention her successes and skills. This leads clients to underestimate her competence and value to the project. Her reticence in self-presentation prevents her from gaining the client's trust.

• While Mia She effectively uses her positive self-presentation to highlight her achievements and experience without appearing arrogant. This helps her to conduct successful conversations and secure contracts. Her self-presentation is a key factor in her success.

2b) Sophie and Mia during team development

• As a leader, humility plays a role. Sophie They play a positive role in the development of their team. Their ability to listen and highlight others fosters an atmosphere of openness and respect. This increases collaboration and creativity within the team and ultimately leads to effective and efficient team performance.

• The dominance of Mia Her leadership style is not always beneficial and leads to tension within the team. She emphasizes her performance at every opportunity and puts herself in the spotlight. This fosters competition instead of collaboration. It negatively impacts group dynamics and reduces the commitment of team members. In the long run, this jeopardizes the company's objectives.

These comparisons show how differently behavior is judged in the workplace. There is no right or wrong. It's about reflecting on your behavior in every situation. You are then able to decide how you present yourself and behave.

Humility in the spotlight

Using modesty as a strength without fading into the background – that's achievable. It's about finding the right balance between self-praise and restraint in self-presentation.

Shine at work

• Feedback sessionsBe open to praise and criticism. Show your progress without being pushy. „"I have improved significantly in the area of …".“, shows that you are confident and acknowledge your results.

• Salary negotiations: Confidently argue your worth, without specifying. „My performance and the market value of my role justify…“, It emphasizes your skills and self-confidence.

• PresentationsShare your successes, but also acknowledge the team's contribution. „"Our joint efforts have…"“ makes you appear visible and humble at the same time.

In relationships, radiate

• Resolving conflictsExpress your feelings clearly without blaming the other person. „"I feel…"“ It fosters understanding and shows that you communicate confidently.

• make decisions: Active listening and contribute your perspective. „"What do you think about it?"“ followed by your point of view. This creates space for further discussion.

• Show supportAcknowledge the achievements of the other person without downplaying your own. „We are a great team because…“ emphasize your combined strength.

By consciously using your light, you will be visible – with humility and self-confidence.

„"Use the talents you have. The forests would be very quiet if only the most gifted birds sang."“ – Henry van Dyke

Your roles in the team

There are many important things in teams. Roll:

• Innovators bring fresh ideas.

• Coordinators They hold the threads together.

• Converter making plans come true.

• observer They provide valuable feedback.

• mediator ensure harmony.

The way you present yourself and your achievements determines how others see you and which roles you take.

Questions for self-reflection on your behavior:

• What strengths do you bring to the team? Think about your skills.

• How do you share your ideas? Show off your achievements without appearing arrogant.

• Are you seen and heard? Make sure your contributions are appreciated.

• How do you receive feedback? Be open to feedback.

• Do you get involved in decisions? Share your opinion.

• How do you support your colleagues? Promote the strengths of others.

• How do you deal with conflicts? Contribute to solutions.

• What influence do you have on team dynamics and harmony? Think about the impact you have on others.

By answering these questions honestly, you'll better understand how you come across within the team. You'll strengthen your presence without being pushy. This will not only boost your... self-efficacy, but also team spirit.

Strategies to let your light shine

Women often experience that Restraint is expected. But true art lies in shining with inner self-confidence.

Acknowledging your successes boosts your self-confidence and allows you to be humble and self-assured. Here are strategies for being more successful in life.

Self-presentation during the application process

CV

The first step to becoming visible begins on paper. Your skills It is crucial to highlight this clearly and prominently in the resume.

Use action-oriented verbs and formulate your thoughts precisely:

• Instead of „"was responsible for 30 employees"“, choose „"I successfully led my 30 employees"“

• Replace „"Productivity could be increased"“ through „"I increased productivity by 10 % within one year"“

You can find more valuable insights in our blog post „Short, concise and convincing: Tips for your CV„.

job interview

In the Job interview Your self-presentation counts. Prepare to share concrete examples of success. Talk about situations where you overcame challenges.

Reflect on and purposefully build these Skills out of:

• PersuasivenessPresent your arguments clearly and convincingly.

• Confident demeanor: Agree, Gestures and presence They must support your statements.

• DeterminationMake it clear that you know your goals and are pursuing them.

My experience in management

In my career, I've conducted numerous interviews with applicants, clients, and teams. I've noticed that women often don't sell themselves as well as men, even though they usually demonstrate the same or even a higher level of performance.

Women are less frequently in the spotlight. When they do find themselves in the public eye, they are often judged more critically than their male colleagues. Their self-presentation often appears less confident.

For this reason, I hired a trainer for body language and presentation skills. She coached my female managers and specialists in a group seminar. The feedback was overwhelming, and many women reported feeling more confident and empowered as a result of the training.

My management expertise and personal experience in this field offer you valuable support. Take advantage of our Online intensive course, who offers you helpful individual sessions.

Understanding your behaviors and character traits gives you a valuable key to appearing more confident and with inner strength in the future.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6IN1KkqCFE

Networking and mentoring

Actively seek out networks and mentors. Networking offers opportunities to be seen and to learn. A mentor gives you feedback, opens up perspectives, and shows you possible career paths.

Further education and specialization

Use Learning platforms, Forums and workshops for your professional development. Specialize to become an expert in your field and increase your career opportunities.

Strengthen your teamwork skills

Show how you have successfully collaborated with others. Talk about how you handled conflicts and your contribution to solutions. Employers value collaborative work. Behavior within the team. Also check your Team roles and your behavior in the group.

Develop these skills further:

• empathy: Understand the perspectives of others. Empathic behavior It improves cooperation.

• Communication skillsArgue clearly and Listen carefully to others.. Respond to their needs.

• Conflict resolution skills: Resolve differences and disputes constructive.

• Reflective capacityAnalyze your actions regularly. This will help you to improve yourself further.

Working on these skills will make you a valued team member and boost your career opportunities.

Further steps to building self-confidence

• Set yourself clear goalsDefine exactly what you want to achieve. This will focus your attention.

• Celebrate small successesAppreciate every step on the way to your goal. Even small steps strengthen your self-confidence.

• Challenge yourselfLeave your safe area. Every new challenge shows you new solutions.

• Strengthen your resilienceLearn how to deal with pressure and stress. Targeted methods will help you.

• Recover quickly from setbacks: See mistakes and failures as an opportunity to learn and grow.

• Boosting self-confidenceUse positive affirmations, accept compliments, and don't constantly compare yourself to others.

Self-confidence in life doesn't mean putting others down, but rather being proud of your abilities and receiving appreciation and respect for your achievements. 

Conclusion: Understated elegance as a strength

Restraint and self-confidence They are not mutually exclusive. Rather, they form a powerful combination that demonstrates true self-confidence.

It's not about how loud you are, but how authentic and confident you appear. Find your own way, the one that suits you best.

Let your light shine

Humility, coupled with self-confidence, makes you unique. Show your worth in a subtle way and Market yourself appropriately.

True self-confidence for women arises from the appreciation of your skills and abilities, not from arrogance.

„"If you sell yourself at a low price, no one else will raise that price."“ - Unknown

How can you shine so brightly from today onwards that everyone sees your light?  Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Use your reticence for your success. Let your inner self-confidence shine in a modest yet impressive way.

Your Steffen

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Disclaimer: This text is for informational purposes only. If you are experiencing trauma, please seek advice from an expert (e.g., a therapist, counselor, or other professional). Therapists).

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All images and 3D elements used in this post are from Envato Elements and are used under a valid license.

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